Wouldn’t it be nice if you always got feedback after a first date? Something like a performance review to help you know how to move forward. No one expects their date to wrap up with the person sitting across from them sharing their feedback with their opinion of the date.

Yes, we have all had that moment when we wish for a glimpse into what our date is thinking, yet direct feedback at the end of the date isn’t really appropriate, or even accurate as your date’s perception is subjective. For example, if someone doesn’t find you funny, it does not mean you aren’t funny; it’s an opinion, so that feedback wouldn't truly help. After the date, singles typically sum up their perception with something like, “there was a lack of ‘connection’ or ‘spark’. While categorizing people may feel superficial, it can be helpful for singles to enter into the dating world with some idea of their dating persona. So here’s a glimpse of four of the most common personalities that could show up on a first date.

The Dreamer
Are you the type of person with an optimistic outlook that carries over into your dating life?
Possibly finding yourself, at times, with your head in the clouds and your heart on your sleeve. If so, you may be a Dreamer! A Dreamer tends to believe in soulmates, and may often have dates where it feels as though sparks start to fly. Typically they are eager to be in a loving relationship and therefore will jump in quickly, hoping that this one is “the one”.

The Chameleon
Another dating persona is the Chameleon. This type of dater may feel comfortable only when they can relate to their date. In some cases this can work; it feels good when people relate with you and can create an initial connection based on commonality. The potential downside is that the conversation can become more about leaving a great first impression than getting to know your date. On some occasions the Chameleon may “oversell” themselves, embellish who they are, or agree with the opinions of their date simply to be liked. One thing we have learned as Matchmakers is that people respond positively to dates that are confident in who they are, certain in what they want and can communicate it effectively.

The Perfectionist
Thirdly, our Perfectionist typically views dating as a numbers game, and that they are searching for a “needle in the haystack”. As Matchmakers we have seen it work, but also know it can be a limiting approach. Being on a date with a Perfectionist can feel uncomfortable at times because you may feel as though you are being judged or that your date would rather be somewhere else. A Perfectionist’s response is not intended as something to be taken personally, but when a date doesn’t check all the boxes immediately, their unconscious response is “thank you, next!”. A Perfectionist tends to immediately abort, as their checklist doesn’t leave room for flexibility to enjoy the moment or allow their personality to take the time to get to know someone. The “good stuff” can be overlooked by a Perfectionist’s pre-determined, rigid list. They need a reminder from time to time, that a first date is just a starting point. It takes more than one encounter to see if all the boxes will get checked! Remember not everyone you date will be an open book on a first or even second date. If your boxes need to be checked right away, you may end up missing someone special.

The Realist
The Realist on a date is someone who is seeking a similarly driven individual who is thoughtful and intentional about dating. A Realist knows that good things take time and effort and that a relationship is not a race; it’s a marathon. The reality is that they have a good idea of what they are looking for in a partner and will invest the time into people that are on the same path. Additionally, the Realist is not afraid to have the tougher conversations in the developing stages of a relationship in order to discover long term compatibility.

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Whether you see a glimpse of yourself in one of these dating personalities, or you have been on a date with a Dreamer, Camelon, Perfectionist or even a Realist, identifying with one may give you insight and opportunity to grow. A new perspective can help you on your journey to finding the best partner for you. In the dating world, creating more awareness of how you show up on a date and what energy you give off is one of the top ways to attract love effortlessly. No matter who you are or which persona you lead with, our team of first date specialists are here when you need us.

Whether you see a glimpse of yourself in one of these dating personalities, or you have been on a date with a Dreamer, Camelon, Perfectionist or even a Realist, identifying with one may give you insight and opportunity to grow. A new perspective can help you on your journey to finding the best partner for you. In the dating world, creating more awareness of how you show up on a date and what energy you give off is one of the top ways to attract love effortlessly. No matter who you are or which persona you lead with, our team of first date specialists are here when you need us.

Happy Dating,
IJL Select

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